In Dreams Find Me
by Imhilien
Summary: When the Scooby Gang starts having shared dreams Willow is surprised and happy to see Giles in hers. But why does he seem to hate this? [WG, Season 3]


In Dreams Find Me

SETTING: Near the end of Season 3

DISCLAIMER: I don't own these great characters and I'm not making money from this.

For Willow, dreams were fleeting, ethereal things that faded on waking, to her occasional sadness. It didn't help that Buffy regularly dreamed in Technicolour with Surround Sound. People like her had all the luck, but one day some of that luck with dreams spread to the others...

That particular night after falling asleep Willow was surprised to find her dream self in a darkened room, still in her blue pyjamas. Great, she thought gloomily. If I trip over something will I have a bruised leg in the morning? Huh? Huh?

As if she had been heard the room brightened slightly, so that she could see the shape of her hands in front of her. There was a silvery quality to the light that puzzled her and she looked up, and gasped. The ceiling was gone and she could see the night sky spread out above her, with thousands of stars gravely twinkling down at her. She gulped and lowered her gaze and jumped in shock as she realised she wasn't alone in the room.

Her eyes adjusted and she saw that there was a tall man just metres away in the otherwise empty room with his back to her, dressed in blue striped pyjamas and his head bowed as if he was sleeping standing up.

She knew him, of course.

"Giles" she whispered softly.

It was hard for her when he smiled at her, praised her for her research efforts, or sat beside her in the library (when there were plenty of spare chairs) not to reveal that she loved him. That she enjoyed the feeling of peaceful completeness when they worked together. That she wanted him in every way possible.

But the fact that he was a teacher, and therefore forbidden to be with a student helped her keep silent - she would hate herself if he lost his job over her. Not that he would ever love her (it pained her to admit it but it was true) as he had never shown any of the special awareness of her in his eyes that she had seen in the eyes of Buffy and Angel when they were together. It hurt, but she dealed with it, and told herself that if she kept her love buried deep enough in her heart things would be fine.

She had also told herself when he turned to Jenny Calender that as she was a fellow teacher then that was a good thing, wasn't it. But her heart had seemed to weep in bewildered agony and jealousy every time she had seen them together. Logically, she should've hated Jenny with all her being but she hadn't, not when Jenny was hard to dislike with her confident, friendly manner and the fact that she was a fellow pagan and only too happy to pass on her knowledge.

Willow certainly hadn't wished for Jenny to die a horrible death at the hands of Angelus a year ago.

If the effort of hiding her feelings from Giles had been bad enough before Jenny's death, it was worse at times nowadays not to go up to Giles and give him a hug, to let him know she cared.

But why was Giles in her dream, here and now? She smiled, and it was wistful in the starlit dark. When she had studied books on dreaming to try and understand why she couldn't recall hers, she came across the fact that thinking about something long enough made it manifest in dreams.

So, because she wanted so much to hug Giles it was only logical that eventually she would have a vivid dream of him. Perhaps, she thought to herself, this is a chance for me to find some peace.

She walked slowly up to her dream Giles who was still facing away from her. He was unaware of her presence and as she gently wrapped her arms around his waist she laid her face against his back. With her face muffled against  
his pyjamas she whispered that she loved him and softly kissed his back. To her surprise Giles stiffened in her embrace and the next thing she knew he had whirled around and after pulling her into his arms sought her mouth with a frantic passion. She was too surprised to respond and after a while he paused and pulled away slightly in puzzlement.

Panting slightly Willow said groggily, "I never thought dreaming would feel this real".

Giles flinched as if he was seeing her properly for the first time and said "No!" in horror, pushing her away from him, hard.

Willow staggered and fell to the floor - but suddenly it wasn't there and she seemed to be falling into a pit without end. She woke suddenly in her familiar bed and sat up with a gasp. It's only a dream, she gabbled to herself, hyperventilating slightly. But her heart sank when she realised there were tears on her cheeks and her mouth felt puffy...as if someone had kissed her.

Baffled and hurt, it took a long time for her to fall into a dreamless, uneasy sleep. The next morning, despite her puffy eyes she had convinced herself it was just a dream she had last night, not a vision dream like Buffy's. Certainly she sometimes woke up with irritated eyes because an eyelash had got into the corner of her eye. As for her puffy mouth, why, she sometimes bit her lips while asleep. Once she got to school Giles would be his usual kind yet detached self.

"Giles is in a bad mood," Buffy said to Willow in puzzlement as they headed to their first class of the day. Willow blinked. "Bad mood? Giles?" she said carefully.

Buffy sighed. "Yup. He practically bit my head off this morning and I was only two minutes late for early practice. Really. I've never seen him this way and he won't say why."

Willow shrugged in bewilderment. So. Giles was unusually moody. But he was human like everyone else, and maybe he was having a bad hair day. It wasn't as if he had really been in her dream last night. That was too weird, even for Sunnydale.

Lunch time, and everyone was in the library. Buffy was sharpening a stake while Cordelia was painting her nails with Hot Sunset polish, Xander offering his usual smartass remarks to Willow as she worked on the laptop computer.

As for Giles...Willow glanced up the stairs to the shelves where he was shelving a pile of books with sharp, jerky movements. He was clearly agitated about something. He had greeted them all tersely when they arrived and then had gone back to his chore. Xander had opened his mouth to say a caustic remark but had stopped at Buffy's look to all of the Slayerettes as well as him that had clearly said 'Giles is in a Mood but leave it for now'.

Was it her imagination Willow wondered, or had Giles stared at her a moment longer than necessary when he had said an abrupt hello to her?

Xander cheerfully leered at Cordelia. "I had a dream of you last night."

Cordelia critically examined her nails. No one else in school had nails as good as her, of course.

"Was I telling you to improve your clothes?" Cordelia then said tartly.

Xander went on. "We were at the mall's candy store - mmm! Funnily, the ceiling wasn't there - just the starry sky."

Willow froze. This was coincidence, wasn't it, that his dream featured a missing ceiling like her dream. Buffy had stopped scraping her stake and was staring at Xander.

"I had a dream I was dancing with Angel at the Bronze at night – and there was no ceiling either," Buffy said slowly. While Cordelia grumbled that she didn't bother remembering her dreams no one noticed that Giles had paused in his shelving.

Xander raised his eyebrows. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Yo, G-Man!" he called to Giles who was moving to the foot of the stairs to look down at them, his face unreadable. "Did you have any missing ceilings in your dreams last night?"

"No, I didn't!" snapped Giles.

Xander blinked. "Sorry I spoke. What about your dreams, Brainy Smurf?" They all looked at Willow, even Giles.

There was misery in her heart. It looked like everyone had shared dreams last night, and in hers Giles had really been there...and he had really rejected her. It was obvious to her now that Giles had mistaken her for enny in the dark when he kissed her, and had been revolted to find himself kissing her instead.

Summoning courage she stared at Giles. "All I had last night was a nightmare" she said evenly and was meanly pleased to see him flinch.

That night she had convinced herself that last nights dream was a once only occurrence, and was surprised to find herself back in the starlit room with Giles again, both of them still in their pyjamas. It didn't help her efforts to appear calm and composed that the sight of Giles without his glasses and in his pyjamas was taking her breath away.

He stared down at her. "So. You're in my dream again, Willow," he said in a level voice with just a faint tremor in it.

She blinked. HIS dream? No. Why should it be his? "This...this is my dream" she said defiantly, waving a hand at the stars above. "Yes, I've been here lots of times - I don't know how you got in here."

A wave of despair passed over her and there were tears in her eyes. She pinched  
her arm but nothing happened. Why couldn't she wake up? Why were they both in this dream? There seemed to be no purpose to it other than to rub her nose in the fact that Giles did not and would never love her. She had to get out somehow...she whirled and scanned the wall nearest her desperately. Yes, there near the corner - was it a door handle?

Ignoring Giles' startled call to stop, Willow rushed to the corner and seeing that there was indeed a white door handle - and a door whose outline she could just make out) she swiftly turned the handle and the door swung out to reveal a path of white stones winding through a garden.

She moved quickly out of the room and the door swung silently back behind her. She turned back and saw no sign of the door - only the white stone path weaving its way into another section of the garden she was in. Willow paled. What had happened to Giles? Was he trapped in that room or had he woken up? She pinched her arm again but to no avail…

There had to be a way out, she thought in panic as she hurried along the path. She was only vaguely aware of how ethereally beautiful the dream garden was with its overhanging trees bearing pale, sweetly scented night blooming flowers, the branches of each tree flanking the path strung with dozens of strings of tiny fairy lights. She noticed though that despite the thin cloth of her pyjamas she felt pleasantly warm in the night air, and the white stones under her bare feet were small and kind to her soles.

She stopped abruptly when she came to a crossroads, as set in its centre were two beautifully wrought white marble statues of Buffy and Angel, portrayed as if they were dancing a waltz at the prom. Angel was in a tux and Buffy in a dress whose every sweeping line was realistically sculptured. Both statues were smiling at each other, and gave Willow the impression that at any moment they would come to life and dance off down a pathway.

Why were those statues there, Willow thought in puzzlement as she took the left hand path, hoping that this way would lead to a part of this dream place that would send her back to her bed. After a few minutes she came to another crossroads, with another two statues that were clearly that of Cordelia and Xander. The statue of Cordelia was portrayed in a elegant outfit - tailor made to her measurements of course - with her usual haughty expression on its face while the statue of Xander seemed to sag beside her, carrying heavy looking shopping bags with a bemused grin on its face that clearly said 'how did I get suckered into doing this?'

Willow was irritated and a little angry - was this garden some sort of homage to Sunnydale couples? If she came across a statue of Principal Snyder leering at a fellow female statue it would be the last straw. Which way now? She chose to go straight ahead. She kept her head down this time, taking in the flowers lining the path. Many of them were unknown to her - she frowned suddenly and paused to gaze up at the stars. None of the constellations looked familiar and as for the moon...she blinked as she saw two crescent moons in the sky, one as silvery white as the moon she knew while the other had a reddish tinge.

Was this place a figment of her (or Giles) imagination, or was this a real place only reached in dreams? Most importantly, was there a coffee machine nearby?

After a few minutes Willow saw she had come to another crossroads with yes, more statues. What was she going to see this time she thought wearily as she stared at the statues. She gasped in shock for they were of her and Giles in the exact same pose they had both been in during the first dream - the Willow statue was gazing at the back of the Giles statue with an expression of sorrowing love.

Something snapped inside her and she clenched her fists and yelled at the sky "Who's done this? Why?"

She choked back a sob. "I know he doesn't love me - why are you rubbing it in?"

The stars twinkled back at her - sympathetically, it seemed. For some reason she thought they were trying to communicate something to her. Great, she was going nuts in a too-real dream. There was a shimmer in the corner of her eye and she looked back down to the statues and blinked when she saw that they were different.

The statue of her had changed - she was dressed in a skirt and top and peering at the spine of a book she was holding. Nearby was the statue of Giles dressed in his customary tweed staring at the Willow statue - and there was an expression of such yearning love on its face that Willow found herself sinking to her knees and crying.

She didn't know whether she cried because Giles did love her, or the fact that he denied loving her. Though her eyes were awash with tears she saw the statues shimmer again, but this time they vanished, leaving the weeping auburn haired woman with the empty crossroads. Was this the gardens way of saying that there was no hope of a relationship between her and Giles ever, she thought in despair as she got unsteadily to her feet.

She was too distracted to hear someone approach behind her and gasped when she felt firm hands gently grab her arms and pull her around into a comforting embrace.

"Don't cry, Willow" Giles softly said.

Startled, Willow stopped crying and struggled crossly in his arms, a brief effort that failed to free her.

"How did you find me?" she grumbled, refusing to look up at him and staring at his broad chest instead (which didn't help).

She sensed him smile wryly. "I think if we were in a crowded room and I was um, blindfolded, my heart would somehow tell me where you were. But I have always tried to avoid thoughts like that," he said quietly.

Stung, Willow quietly said to his chest, "Am I so unlovable then?"

His arms tightened around her. "No!" he said in shock. "You're everything that a man could want - you're beautiful and your soul shines through your eyes for all of us to see." His voice faltered. "I think I have loved you from the first day I saw you and I have always felt...complete when I'm with you. But I told myself I shouldn't feel this way about a 17 year old, that the age difference was too great and I thought that being with Jenny would be…better for everyone in the long run."

He gave a short, pained laugh. "I did love her, but it wasn't as much as the way I loved you. Even when we were together I saw your face instead."

As Willow listened in disbelief and dawning hope it seemed that the stars above and the garden around them was listening too. The air seemed to shimmer where their statues had been.

He continued. "It wasn't until last night in that room when you said you loved me did I start to realise that if you didn't mind the age difference, then why should I?"

Willow raised her eyes at last and stared at his brilliant green eyes.

"You pushed me away" she pointed out flatly.

Giles bowed his head in shame. "I was afraid and angry," he admitted. "I ah, thought that dream was a cruel joke that my subconscious was playing on me, to remind me of what I didn't have. But it wasn't until the others had similar dreams did I realise they were real - and I cursed myself today for pushing you away... I'm sorry. Then tonight you ran from me before I had a chance to tell you how I felt. Funny, but that room refused to let me out until I swore that I loved you and would the damn door open? Please tell me I still have a chance."

Willow smiled at him, joy filling her eyes. "I've always loved you - and you're not too old. 'Experienced' is what I would call you," she said cheekily and there was answering joy in his eyes as he bent his head and claimed her mouth hungrily. The garden seemed to spin around their embracing forms and they both protested as they felt their dream selves retreat to their real bodies. The last thing Willow saw was the stars twinkling merrily down at her one last time then she woke up to find that she was under the covers of a strange and bigger bed than her own.

The full moon was shining through a window...and she was still in the arms of Giles.

"I don't believe it!" said Giles in wonder. "We've both come back to ah, my bed."

Willow blinked in amazement. She didn't know exactly how she had got into his bed...but she wasn't going to complain. Luckily her parents were away, and that there was a hidden door key in a fake rock in their garden. Willow wiggled and peered around the room in naughty delight, straining her eyes in the dark to see if his bedroom matched her secret dreams of it. Was it true she could see a...yes!

She pretended to be scandalised as she informed Giles that she could see he had a lava lamp.

Giles informed her huskily that there were better things to think about than blasted lava lamps as he shifted his body over her and they sought each others mouths. Much later Willow was happy to agree with him. It looked like there could be two more statues in that garden after all.

THE END


End file.
